Pie Domination
by Cajast
Summary: Ok, this is just a bit of randomness with some of our beloved characters and some pie. Or is it? Rating for safety
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing! Just the poor little box that someone will eventually live in…runs away crying

A/N: Woot! I've had like ten of those little boxes of Nerds, the candy, and I am on an amazing sugar high! I didn't want to waste it, so….I came up with this! Yay!

Also! Anything between a pair of these, "- like this-" is an action. As in, they are actually doing it.

_**Pie Domination**_

Alanna: "I'm hungry! I want pie!"

Kel: "Well, isn't that just wonderful for you!"

Alanna again: "Well! Someone sure is grumpy in the morning! If you'll excuse me, I need to skip off to the kitchen like a little girl, and sing horribly off pitch!" And with that, she skipped off to the kitchen like a little girl, and sang horribly off pitch.

Meanwhile, in the practice yard:

Dom: "Ooh! You're gonna have to be faster that that to catch me Meathead!"

Meathead, er, Neal: "No fair! All I want is my dolly!" At this point, he had been chasing Dom for 26 hours, and was getting rather cranky.

Dom: -cough- "I haven't moved in the last…26 hours?" At this, Neal snapped. No, I mean literally snapped. In half. So, Dom went to the kitchens to get some pie!

In Numair's Workroom:

Numair: "I don't wanna play Kit! Just go away!" –Numair starts crying-

Daine: "Kit! I told you not to bully Numair! You know he's…sensitive!"

Kitten: "I think you mean –coughCRAZYcough-"

Daine: "Well, yes. Let's go get some pie!" Then, they both start doing victory dances, and Numair is now throwing a fullfledged tantrum.

10 Minutes Later: Daine and Kit go to get their pie.

The Kitchen:

Head Chef/Cook Person: -Gasp- "Oh no! We're out of pie!" -Hears Alanna, Dom, Daine, Kit, and a whole bunch of other people I don't have time to mention running down the hall scream 'Pie! Pie! Pie!'- -Runs away screaming like a girl-

Jon: "Thayet! I want my pie! NOW!!!!" And of course, this is said in an annoyingly whiney voice.

Thayet: -SMACK- (Thayet smacked him. Duh.)

Jon: "Owwweeeee!"

Thayet: Now shut up or you aren't getting any pie! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Jon: -Whimpers-

Alanna: "If you two are done?" –Jon and Thayet nod- "Yay! Now we can get our pie!"

Everyone: -Cheers-

Dom: -Looks around- "Hey! There's no pie!"

Everyone: -Gasps-

A/N: Ooh! Cliffie!

Anyway! Can I please have at least one review? -Puppy Dog Eyes- Please?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Well hello again! I have officially decided that if something is in just italics then it is a thought. Ok? Ok. How on to the disclaimer! Aren't you just ecstatic?

**Disclaimer: I. Own. Nothing. Well, nothing except the pie and the Goddess of All Things Pie. Other than that nothing! **

Pie Domination

No pie?!?! What were they going to do? Why pray to the Goddess of All Things Pie, of course! What did you think they were going to do? Bake?!?! 

Alanna: "Oh wonderful Goddess! Please help us on our quest to find pie! It is the most amazing substance in the entire realm! –The Great Mother Goddess appears-

GMG: "Yes my daughter? You would like pie? I hardly consider that a task worthy of one of my Chosen."

Alanna: "No offense or anything, but…I wasn't exactly talking to you. I was talking to the Goddess of All Things Pie."

GMG: "What? I'm not good enough for you now? Well! That's just…mean!" –The GMG leaves in a huff-

Everyone: -Stares in disbelief at Alanna-

Daine: "Umm…Alanna? I know from experience that yelling at a God isn't exactly a good idea. I got snippy with my mom once and she didn't let me talk to animals for a whole week!" –Sniffs-

Alanna: "Really? That stinks. But she won't do anything." –Continues praying-

-The Goddess of All Things Pie appears-

Well, actually, a rather large pie appeared. But it was glowing, and it could talk, so they assumed it was the Goddess.

Dom: _I wonder what flavor she is? Mom always said that glowing pie was the best kind…_

Kit: Excuse me? Are you the Goddess of All Things Pie?

-The pie nods-

Which is a feat in itself. Have you ever tried to nod without a head or a neck? It's not very easy let me tell you!

GoATP: "Umm…What is that annoying voice? I don't see anyone…"

Kel: "Oh that's just the narrator. She just makes weird comments whenever she feels like it."

Me: "Well! Excuse me for feeling left out! Would it kill you to just try and start a conversation every once in a while?" –Sobs-

Kel: "Oh dear. There she goes again. Come on everyone, say you're sorry."

Everyone: "We're sorry."

Me: "Now, was that so hard?" –Vanishes-

Neal: "Hey Kel? How did you get here anyway? I know I used my Gift to get here, but…"

Kel: "I walked. Duh."

Neal: "Oh." –Blushes until his face looks like a tomato-

Everyone: "Ha ha! Meathead has a tomato face!"

GoATP: -Cough- "Does anyone remember I'm even here?"

Alanna: "Oh! Sorry, we were just making fun of Meathead…Hey, could you give us some pie? We're all starving!"

GoATP: "Why didn't you just ask!" –Uses magical pieness to create hundreds of little pies-

Everyone: -Gasp- "Look at all the pie!" –Starts edging towards them-

GoATP: "Not yet my children! Not everything is as it seems…" –Fades away magically-

Dom: "Uhh…What was that about?"

But he didn't need to ask. By this point all the pies had started growing arms, legs, and horns!

Everyone: -Gasps again-

A/N: Ok, please tell me what you think! Don't know how? Well it's very simple! You just scroll to the very bottom of the page and click on that little box that says 'Go!'

It doesn't get much easier than that! D


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to InweElensar121. Thank you so much for my, as of this moment, only review! Yay!

**Disclaimer: Everything that could have possibly heard about in any of Tamora Pierce's books belongs to her. Only in m dreams do I own any of it…Sadly, I'm not dreaming right now. Or am I? I also don't own Dorothy.**

_**Pie Domination**_

Pies: "No way are you going to eat us! We will eat you! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Everyone: -Draws swords-

Pies: -Draws forks-

Jon: -Runs away screaming in a **very** high pitched voice-

Everyone: -Laughs at Jon- -Stares at pies-

Alanna: "You are going down pies!" –Is attacked by a particularly evil pie-

Meathead: "Um…I'm gonna go see what Jon is doing…Bye!" –Runs away- -Falls- -Is also attacked by a pie-

Dom: "Meathead got attacked by a meat pie! HAHAHAHA!"

Everyone: -Laughs at Meathead- -Are attacked by pies-

Kel: -Takes down 20 pies- "Geez! How many are there!"

Pies: "682 left!" -120 go POOF- "Ok, 562.-

Kit: "Well, I wasn't expecting that…"

Thayet: "If only I had my bow!" –Her bow magically appears-

Me: "Ah hem?"

Thayet: "Oops. Sorry! Thank you Narrator!"

Me: "Finally! Some appreciation!"

Buri: "No offense, but we have some serious pie behind to kick!" –Kicks a pie in the behind-

Me: "Fine! Just ignore me!" –Goes POOF-

Kel: "You guys are always so mean to me!"

Me: _Kel's always been my favorite character. Hmm_…-Gives Kel a magical glaive to cut pies in half faster than a normal glaive-

Kel: _I knew pretending to like her would pay off one day!_

All the way from Oz, here's Dorothy!

-Dorothy magically appears-

Dorothy: "Umm…Where am I?"

Everyone: "Tortall! Duh!"

Dorothy: "Oook. Sure." –Throws a bucket of water on the pies-

Pies: "Nooo! We're melting! **Melllltttting!**"

Dom: "Erm…How'd you do that?"

Dorothy: "I just wanna go home!"

Me: "Just tap your boots together three times and think 'There's a lot of better places than Tortall.' Over and over."

Jon: "But, but…I WANT MY PIE!!!" –Duck tape appears over his mouth- "Pmph! Pmph! Pmph!"

Alanna: "Thank you! I've wanted to do that since I was a page!" –Starts laughing hysterically-

Raoul and Gary: "Same!"

Meathead: "Uhh…Why are the melted pies coming back to life?"

Everyone: -Screams-

A/N: Thank you again! And tune in next time to see if our heros can defeat…ZOMBIE PIES!!! Eek!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hello again! So far I have…2 reviewers! Wowee! Ok. I love both my wonderful reviewers, but I simply need more. Even flames are welcome at this point! Please don't make me beg!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Isn't that wonderful?

Pie Domination 

On our last episode:

Meathead: "Uhh…Why are the melted pies coming back to life?"

Everyone: -Screams-

Now on to today's episode!

Delia: "Oh. My. Gasp!" –Dies- (Please don't ask about the 'oh my gasp' thing)

GoATP: "Did you think I would allow some girl from another kingdom to complete your quest? Well, let me tell you! It is your quest, so…Do it!

Kel: _Someone's been inhaling too many oven fumes…_

GoATP: "I heard that!"

Kel: "Oh. Uh, sorry." _How did she know that? Did I say it out loud?_

GoATP: "No, but you think really loudly."

Everyone: "Ya, you kinda do."

Kel: "Grr…"

Dom: _She's so pretty when she growls…_

Kel: -Blushes-

GoATP: "You're louder than she is."

Pies: "MWAHAHA!" –Attack still blushing Kel-

Me: "You forgot! She has her magical glaive!"

Kel: -Cuts all the pies into slices-

Everyone: "Thank you Protector of the Small!"

Kel: "I told you not to call me that!"

Jon: "Imph wmph mmph pmph!"

Thayet: "What was that?"

Jon: "I said, 'Imph wmph mmph pmph!'"

Alanna: _Idiot…_

Jon: "I heard that! I challenge you to a duel!"

Alanna: "Ok!" –Pulls out sword while grinning evilly-

Jon: -Gulps- "I changed my mind! I challenge you to a pie eating contest!"

Alanna: "Ok!" –Pulls out fork grinning evilly-

Me: "Ok, the first one to eat their 50 pies wins! Ready…Set…Go!"

Alanna and Jon: -Starts eating pies at a rather scary rate-

Actually, Alanna ate them at a scary rate, Jon was still trying to figure out how to use his fork.

Everyone: "Yay Alanna!"

Jon: -Scowls- "Hey! That's treason!"

Everyone: "Jon, Jon, he's our man. If he can't do it, Alanna can! Gooo Alanna!"

Raoul and Gary: -Giggle hysterically-


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'm afraid this will be the last chapter in our adventure. But fear not! I will continue to write, and I need opinions on whether or not I should have a sequel. I actually have no idea because I haven't written the chapter yet! So. I'm gonna do that now.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing. If I did, Kel would have more than four books! But I don't, so she doesn't. -Sigh-

_Pie Domination_

When we last left our heroes, Alanna and Jon were in an epic battle! Ok, so it was a pie eating contest. Can't a narrator spruce up the story a little? Geez.

Flashback to last chapter:

_Jon: -Gulps- "I changed my mind! I challenge you to a pie eating contest!"_

_Alanna: "Ok!" –Pulls out fork grinning evilly-_

_Me: "Ok, the first one to eat their 50 pies wins! Ready…Set…Go!"_

_Alanna and Jon: -Starts eating pies at a rather scary rate-_

Flashback over! Yay!

Me: "Alanna has now eaten more than half her pies! Jon, has yet to eat a piece of his."

Jon: "I, I don't like being under pressure! Stop looking at me!!!" –Cringes-

Kel: "Yay! Go Alanna!"

Jon: "Don't you like me Kel?"

Kel: "No, not really. You put me on probation, remember?"

-Wlydon appears in ballerina tutu-

Wlydon: "I did too! Wee!" –Twirls away-

Kel: -Cough- "Well. That was awkward."

Me: "Look! Alanna is on her last pie! And Jon still hasn't taken a bite. I wonder who will win? Note sarcasm."

Alanna: "Done!"

Jon: "But I didn't hear you say go!" –Starts crying hysterically-

Alanna: "As the Pie Eating Champion, I say that you shall wear a dress for every night during Midwinter! MWAHAHA!"

Jon: -Considers- "Is it a pretty dress?"

Alanna: "No! It's the one you got me last Midwinter!"

Jon: "What?!?! No!" –Throws a tissyfit- (A/N: Sorry, I doubt I spelled that right)

Everyone: -Points and laughs at Jon-

Me: "And now we take leave our heroes all, perhaps we will meet them at Midwinter's ball?"

Everyone: -Starts laughing at the authors pathetic attempt at poetry.-

Me: "Hey! I said the story was over! Now. Go POOF or something."

-Everything goes POOF-

Final A/N: Now that's better isn't it? I need opinions! Like I tried to say in my horrific attempt at poetry, should I write about the ball? I don't know…Review and tell me!


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